Life & The Liebster Award!!

Hi guys!!

I am so, so, sooo sorry that I have been completely MIA for well over a month now. Everything in my life kind of happened at once, and as someone with major anxiety, I kind of shut down and returned to my shell for a little while as I tried to sort through the wave of major changes and responsibilities flooding my life.

A lot of it was certainly good and wonderfully productive - starting my job as an English TA, completing my summer class which I completely geeked out over, moving into my beautiful new apartment, finally getting my nose pierced, and becoming official with my boyfriend! But a lot of it was also extremely stressful, primarily some major family things. The giant mass of homework and moving in and out of apartments and coping with a lot of changes in my family really did a number on me and made me want to do absolutely nothing, including blog.

But I've gotten quite sick of letting myself mope around, so I'm going to do my best to channel my stress into creativity. I'm back to being super excited about getting this blog going as my life resumes in Boston (I've been kinda locked away in my tiny hometown).

Now that you guys know where I've been, I want to make this post about something long, looong overdue: accepting the Liebster Award!!

My girl Shreya, a fellow boston-based beauty, lifestyle, and fashion blogger (and fellow woman of color!) nominated me for this award in late July. I cannot stress enough how much it means to me. I know that my blog is still very much in development, and it means the WORLD that someone like Shreya thought that my blog deserved to be recognized! Seriously, she's great - check out her blog.

So, a little background on the award:

The Liebster Award is meant to be passed from blogger to blogger. It works to promote new and promising blogs that is still getting a solid footing in the blogging world, and lets bloggers network and engage with one another. Recipients of the award get to answer a few questions about themselves as well as nominate other new bloggers they like. So, here I go!

What inspired you to become a blogger?  

Growing up as a brown girl was always rough on me. I never knew what to do with my mass of curls. I saw all of these fancy products work great on my white friends, but no matter what I tried, no matter who I tried to imitate, I could never escape the belief that feeling beautiful was never meant for me. If nothing worked, then that meant something had to be wrong with me, right?

It's a tough thing to go through. Don't get me wrong - everyone, literally every girl and every boy of every background, goes through things like this. But the struggle for little girls of color is that there is no way for them to learn that products that work for the rest of their peers are simply not geared towards them at all. They may not realize that they are not damaged or flawed, that they simply have different needs. I want to help women of color get comfortable with their unique beauty needs, because I know how destructive it is to be left to sort things out on your own. Makeup and beauty are things that now bring me immense joy. They have become one of many ways of celebrating myself and my own brand of beauty, and I want to offer even the slightest bit of help to my fellow girls of color.

Why do you blog about what you blog about?

I blog about these issues because they are simply my reality. They are things that have very real, very tangible impacts on my existence every single day. These are things that every woman of color must deal with for the entirety of her life. I want people to get comfortable acknowledging that the racism of this century is a newer, sleeker version - it is more subtle, more indirect. It is something produced by a system that is dependent on certain groups feeling inferior to others, and we can't do anything about the way things work unless we at the very least begin to talk about them.

How long have you been blogging?

I have been blogging only for a couple months! My blog is a baby!

What is your backround?

Ethnically, I am Pakistani. Religiously, I was raised Muslim. I was born in Colorado (first generation American) and moved to Massachusetts when I was 10.

Is blogging your full-time job?

Not at all - I am only getting started, but I am excited to see where this can take me. I love to experiment and am open to everything that can potentially bloom from my hobbies.

What makes you keep blogging?

I've already received a couple of messages from people saying they can relate to what I say, or that my hair tutorial helped them bring out their natural curls. God, knowing I am having an actual impact on people is an unreal feeling. I want to support my colored girls.

Furthermore, blogging is a great platform to get to know new and creative people, and to engage with Boston more. I absolutely love this city, and I am always eager to try new things and see what it has to offer. So far I haven't been disappointed!

Dream vacation? 

Wow, I don't know. I went to Japan last summer and fell absolutely in love. But I would love to go to Morocco or Turkey!

Biggest inspiration in life?

My biggest inspiration in life is literature. I have learned so, so much from books, and am endlessly fascinated by language, particularly by English. The craft that goes into writing is something that blows my mind on a daily basis. It's why I love being in school so much - studying English is my dream. It's incredible that we can relate to the thoughts of someone who may have existed a long time ago, of someone who somehow managed to so perfectly capture an experience in words that we were able to connect with it. This kind of global connectivity is just astounding.

Best and worst blogging decision you made?

Best: Not letting nerves stop me from making a beauty blog with a focus on social issues. I care deeply about race-related issues, and I got nervous people would not be so receptive to it. But it is a big part of my life, and I could not be happier with my decision.

Worst: Letting myself slack this summer. To be fair to myself, I had a lot going on - but I want to really engage and treat this like something I absolutely must keep up with. I plan to be way more on top of posting this semester!

Would you ever consider rebranding? 

Like I've said, my blog is just a baby. Everything is an experiment, and I am open to anything that would improve my blog's way of reaching out to people!!

Now that you guys know a little about me, here are some blogs that I have been majorly digging and am nominating for the award (and they're all women of color!). There is no particular order! All my love to:

Jazzy, who runs The Happiness Blog (Boston-based!)

Christie, who runs christieashley

Ruba, who runs Hijab Hills

Jenn, who runs A Beautiful Zen

Jannelle, who runs thesweetsceneblog (Boston-based!)

Thank you guys for reading, I'll be sure to start posting regularly from now on! x

- Z

Bloglovin

Follow my blog with Bloglovin!

Hi guys,

Just letting you guys know that I recently signed my blog up for Bloglovin, which lets you keep all the blogs you follow in one place! You can download the app, and you'll get notifications every time I make a post. It's a good way to find new blogs to follow, too!

Thanks, as always, for reading x

- Z

On Anxiety, Bravery, and the City

The view at my apartment complex in Dorchester!

Hey guys!

So I have a couple of more serious posts in the works, like one about cultural appropriation in the West. But since they require a bit of research, I want to really put a lot of time into them.

Time is something I have not had enough of lately, and I mean that in the best way. I've always had far, far too much time on my hands. I grew up with crippling anxiety. I couldn't speak to strangers at all. I would often get sick and throw up when I was around too many people. For a long time, I hardly left my house at all. At some point I was diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder and depression, and my life was run by fear.

After spending so much time locked in my head, never really experiencing anything at all for years, I became more and more depressed. I started realizing I would never, ever be happy unless I threw myself out there, even if that meant coming home in tears every day after failing to function like a normal person. It's taken years of hard work, but I've grown to treat embracing fear and snatching up new opportunities as my single goal in life. Experiencing fear is no longer a bad thing to me - in fact, the second I'm afraid, I know I'm headed in the right direction towards growth and a worthwhile experience.

 I just want to truly live my life and take risks. I want to be brave. And I don't mean brave in the sense of jumping out of planes. I mean brave in ways that may be small to others, but are monumental to me. Even talking to new people is being brave for me. My panic attacks can still be vicious, and my anxiety is perpetually present. But nothing feels better than doing the things that scare me and coming out with a new experience, even if it's a bad one. Boston became the perfect vessel for that experimentation, and I've gotten better and better at seizing opportunities when they come my way.

Since moving to Boston, I've become so much braver, so much more whole. For the two years I've lived here, I have completely transformed over and over. And I love every second of it - the failures, the joys, the friends I've made, and even the friends I've lost. All of it has taught me so much, and I am doing what I've always wanted to do: living as genuinely as possible.


I've begun going out of my way to take time to really explore the city. Sometimes this means wandering around aimlessly with my friends and seeing where we end up, or following the lead of friends who have grown up in the Boston area and checking out places they like. Recently I made a list of some places I want to check out, and it feels so good to have somewhat of a plan laid out.

I recently met up with my girl from my hometown, Erin. She hasn't spent much time in Boston at all, and I was kind of nervous to take the ropes and pick where to take her the entire day. I feel like you learn so much more about a place when you're the one in charge of sharing it with someone else. I realized I knew way more about life here in Boston than I thought I did.

I never get much of a chance to explore Newbury Street since it's a bit of a trek for me from Dorchester. But we did a little shopping beforehand and ended up getting sushi at Snappy Sushi.

I've never been there before, and it was wonderful sitting at a table outside and watching the people walk by. I honestly haven't eaten at a restaurant on Newbury Street before. I always thought every restaurant there would be out of my price range, but this adorable little sushi place was delicious as well as affordable.

I also like to spend a lot of time exploring Boston on my own. As someone who often needs to recharge and reflect, going out and about by myself is something I absolutely have to do. I got to check off one of the places I've been wanting to see for ages: Voltage Cafe and Art right off Kenmore on the red line. I wish the photos I took could do it justice. I'm really quite shitty at remembering to take photos when I go out, because I'm the type who likes to soak in the experience and forget about my phone (and on top of that, I feel awkward as hell, which I need to work on).

Voltage is a cafe that regularly rotates the art is has on display, but the cafe itself is a gorgeous work of art, down to the tiniest of details. My favorite little detail, for example, was the fact that they had a little glass jar of sugar cubes to add to your coffee.

The walls are decorated in bright colors and patterns, the decor combines rustic wood with vintage memorabilia, and, best of all, the cafe features shelves and shelves of books. The books range from children's books to novels to gigantic art books featuring the most random array of topics.

If you ever have the chance to check it out or need a new place to study, definitely head to Voltage! It's absolutely beautiful, and it really does feel so good to try something new.

If you have any questions about my experiences with anxiety, feel free to contact me. Thanks for reading. x

- Z

The Politics of Ethnic Hair & My Daily Routine

From left to right:
1. Direct Leave-in: Weightless Moisture Conditioner by Giovanni
2. Light Defining Gel by DevaCurl
3. No-Poo by DevaCurl
4. OneCondition by DevaCurl
5. Flexible-Hold Hair Spray by DevaCurl

Like just about any other woman of color, my ethnic curls have always been central to my identity, in both the worst and best of ways.

Photo from Study: Women with Natural Hair Have Low Self-Esteem

My childhood haircuts consisted primarily of tears and hiding my hair under a hoodie for weeks on end, or keeping it in a tight bun to make up for the mass of frizz that I always believed to be a curse. Since no one in my family really had hair like mine (it is not common for Pakistani people to have curls!), I was never exposed to proper hair care methods for it, and the white girls and stylists around me had little advice to offer as compensation. If anything, they made it much, much worse.

I never in a million years would have imagined that the hot mess I called my hair would eventually become the center of my journey towards self love. For years now, my hair has been the feature I'm most proud of, which explains why articles like this one completely set me off.

The study, as explained by the article, claims that a company called "Bountiful Hair" found that the vast majority of women of color that they studied (2,500 out of 3,000) felt less confident with untreated hair. The article explicitly focuses on the hair of black women, referring to the afro as "matted and course, and [not] considered appropriate for a business environment." 

Now, anyone who knows anything about how to read studies - especially in the media - would immediately see that the article provides absolutely no critical information about how the study was conducted. It's important to be aware of the who and the what. Now, what interest does a cosmetic company have in conducting such a study and declaring that women with natural hair have low self-esteem? A cosmetic company that has something to sell.

As much as I love makeup and cosmetics, the reality is that these products are meant to create revenue. And revenue only comes when there is a consumer base. A consumer base must have a need that is not being met, which is where the product comes in. What better consumer base to start with than a group of colored (mostly black) women who believe their natural hair is not good enough or, as the article puts it, is not "appropriate"  for a business environment?

As if the racial bias isn't obvious enough, The News Nerd Staff had the decency to throw this quote in:

“At one point I was using a gallon of milk and a dozen eggs on my hair every day to try to soften it. That’s when I knew it was time to make a change. I got a relaxer and a Brazilian weave down to my butt, and I have never felt prettier,” Jones stated.

If that isn't a blatant attempt to sell the idea that the only way to feel beautiful is to treat your hair, then I honestly don't know what is. 

Enjoying the fuck out of my curls back in 2014!

Now, I say fuck. That. Learning to properly take care of and love my natural curls was a Godsend. I know damn well that my natural curls are the creme de la crop. I have never felt more free, more happy, more beautiful than when I embraced my curls a few years back. And I have never, ever received anything but praise since going natural.

Ladies, your hair is yours. If you enjoy wearing weaves, or relaxing, or dying, then by all means, go for it!! I am absolutely for experimentation. But let that desire to experiment spring from a place of self-love, not self-hate. Do it because you think it's fun, not because you let a racially biased society convince you that your hair is "messy" and shameful. 

As I became more active on the internet and more into beauty blogs, I began seeing women of color with curls kinda-sorta like mine looking damn good. And it got me thinking: my hair could absolutely look like that if I just knew what to do! With a full summer of researching and experimenting, I came across the book that completely changed my life. 

Curly Girl: The Handbook by Lorraine Massey as well as NaturallyCurly.com became my gateways to a happier me. I discovered that, yes, there are many different types of curls, and they all look hot as hell. Do you know how thrilling it is to discover that so many other people have the exact same kind of hair as you after believing for 18 years that no one could ever understand? Andre Walker, Oprah Winfrey's stylist, came up with a system for curl types, ranging from type 1, completely straight, to type 4a-c, completely kinky.

I found out that my kinda hair had an actual, socially-accepted category: type 3a/b curls. I began learning that, just as curls looked different from other hair, it also had different needs as far as products went. Gone were my days of sulfate and silicone filled hair products. I began experimenting with products that were made primarily from plants rather than chemicals. I invested in hiring a stylist trained in what is called a "Deva cut" - a unique method of cutting and styling curls that is very different from the method used for straight hair. And, good Lord, the change in my hair was magical. I felt transformed.

So, now that I've touched on the background of not only my hair journey, but of the racial and political undertones that always trail behind every aspect of life, especially beauty, I want to lay out for you ladies what I do every day to get my curls to look as good as I can get them.

I've always been incredibly happy with Lorraine Massey's line of products, not just for how effective they are but for their scents as well. The No-Poo and One Condition both have a soothing lemon-grass scent that I have always absolutely loved, and the Flexible-Hold Hair Spray has a slightly spicy lavender fragrance to it.

Here's what I do in the shower every day, step by step!

1. I completely soak my curls while keeping them flipped upside down. I pretty much have my hair flipped upside down for the entirety of my shower!

2. I scrunch in (cup sections of my hair in the palm of my hand while it is flipped, and squeeze while pushing it upwards towards my scalp) the No-Poo shampoo in quarter-sized dollops. The scrunching motion helps curls retain their natural shape. I do not apply any shampoo to my roots! 

3. I rinse out the shampoo with the same upside down scrunching motion.

4. Next, I massage my scalp with the One Condition. It is much more moisturizing than the shampoo, and the one thing curls need more than anything is moisture. Most days you can even cut out the shampoo completely! I rinse my scalp before the next step.

5. This is about the only time I have my head right side up! I use generous amounts of conditioner - as much as it takes - to detangle my hair. Never, ever use a brush or comb to detangle curls - that's how they get frizzy! It takes a bit of time and product, but I gently untangle any knots using my fingers. The more tangled it is, the more product I add to that particular spot.

6. I leave all the product in that I already used to detangle. Using a little bit more product, I flip my hair upside down again and scrunch to bring back any shape that the detangling may have messed up.

7. I leave my hair be for the rest of my shower so the product has time to soak in! The longer the product is in your hair, the better.

8. At the end of my shower, I rinse most, but not all, of the One Condition out of my hair with the usual scrunching motion. You do not necessarily need a leave-in conditioner if you just leave more of the One Condition in, but I prefer to primarily use an actual leave-in. Sometimes I rinse out too much One Condition by mistake, and since it's more expensive than my leave-in, I hate to add more! I generously scrunch in my Weightless Moisture leave-in. The best way to tell you have enough product left in your hair is if it makes a scwelching noise when you scrunch it!

9. I dry my hair using a 100% cotton t-shirt. You can also use a microfiber towel, but never use a regular towel. The material is too rough for curls and ruffles the hair shaft, which causes frizz. I dry my hair using the usual scrunching motion.

10. Next, I apply a generous amount of my Light Defining Gel, being careful to scrunch and coat every curl on every part of my head. You can make sure you've gotten everything by lightly touching your hair - if it feels like it's got gel in it, then you're all set!

11. The next step is critical. Although getting layers cut into your hair makes it easier for it to curl by taking some of the weight off, curls are still pretty heavy. In order to get the max amount of your natural curl in every strand and not end up with straight roots, put clips in at the roots. This not only encourages the curl, but adds lift!

12, After I have my clips in, I spray whatever heat protectant I have handy in my hair. Then, I thoroughly spray my curls with the Flexible-Hold Hair Spray, focusing especially on the roots. 

13. I usually let the clips sit in for a while as I apply my makeup. Using a diffuser, I sporadically dry my hair with the same motions as scrunching - cupping the curls and pressing upwards towards the scalp. I've always been told to keep the temperature low, but I usually use the hottest setting on the blow dryer and have never had much of an issue with frizz!

Usually after taking a few stupid selfies like the one above, this is the end result!! My hair is usually a little damp for an hour or so, and I do not scrunch the gel out until it's fully dry to make sure my hair retains its shape.


I hope this was helpful! If you have any good products/techniques, let me know!

Thanks for reading! x

- Z 

Introductions

Hi guys!

I’m a Pakistani-American girl (raised Muslim) currently living in Boston, Massachusetts. I’ve always grown up in the secluded, very much privileged suburbs, and was constantly surrounded by white people and culture. I was enveloped with a sense of not only being outside the lives and community of my white peers, but also of the few brown people I met as well. Essentially, I lived with one foot in two clashing worlds. That kind of existence, especially for a little girl just trying to find her place in existence, is incredibly difficult to understand. You never fully realize the reason behind your ostracism when you’re immersed in that kind of environment. How can you possibly be aware of something that has simply been that way for the entirety of your life?

When I moved to the city for college two years ago, I found myself surrounded by vibrant, thrilling, and, ultimately, relatable people of color. All of a sudden, people knew what I meant. They knew what it was like trying to be yourself in a place that forced white ideas about beauty and self-worth down your throat. They knew the difficulty of finding just the right shade of foundation, the strain of being called “exotic” by the people you grew up with. It became apparent to me in my new home that white influence dominates every aspect of life - even the fashion-blogging community.

Through this blog, I hope to make things easier for other girls who know what it’s like to never have ethnic fashion or beauty role models. I never want anyone else to feel as though their skin is too dark, that the ethnic outfits they wear are something to be ashamed of. I want to remind people that it is absolutely critical to embrace all aspects of your identity, that you can be fun and silly and real and still go home and speak another language and feel at home in your skin.

Some of my posts will more explicitly address the issue, such as product tutorials for girls with ethnic curly hair (like mine!). Others will be snip-its of my life here in Boston, a beautiful city rich with diverse people and cultures. My identity as a brown girl is fundamental in absolutely anything that happens in my life, and I want to capture every second of it.

I hope you guys enjoy! x

- Z

(P.S. The photo is of my brother’s engagement ceremony, and I’m the girl in red!)